Asian Junkie Asian pop. Without discretion.
SEOUL, South Korea (AP) – Popular Korean boy band EXO have recently confirmed that they will be making their official comeback in March with a remake of Carly Rae Jepsen‘s smash hit “Call Me Maybe“, called “Call Me Baby“.
At the press conference announcing the comeback, group leader Suho commented, “Unfortunately, we can’t play the song now or it won’t be promoted properly … actually, you know what, I’ll play the thing, cause you fuckers would buy an album of the sounds of my diarrhea for 60 minutes.”
With that, Suho proceeded to play the chorus of the “Call Me Baby” song for all the adoring, screaming stalkers that packed the ballroom.
The upbeat and peppy chorus sent the crowd into convulsions, as the lyrics piped in:
“Hey, you just stalked me,
And I think you’re craaazzzzzyyyyy!
Calling the police’s number,
Please don’t call me baby.”
The day ended in tragedy, however, with 12 stalkers in the front row perishing of dehydration, 38 succumbing to other various ailments — including heart failure, spontaneously exploding organs, and violent seizures — and an additional 153 have been charged with the $3.3 million in flood damage to the ballroom and hotel.
EXO is back. Tragedy has struck us all.
