Asian Junkie Asian pop. Without discretion.
Former AOA member Mina has been going through a tough stretch lately, with fans becoming increasingly concerned for her well-being due to things like her posts about getting malicious messages. Recently multiple things have been happening as she’s been under stress from allegedly being scammed by a beauty product brand, but the bigger story is that she just posted on Instagram to talk about her father’s death and her AOA exit, saying she was bullied in the group.
I really, really want to go away too, but I have to take care of my mom.. Ah, more of you are calling me brainless now. Well it’s true, I am brainless. I haven’t properly learned anything and I’ve have to make money for my family ever since I was young. When my dad passed away, I was in the waiting room crying and a certain unnie told me that it was my fault the atmosphere was bad, and to stop crying. She pulled me to the closet of the waiting room, and I said I was so scared since my dad was dying. Thinking about that, I can’t ever forget those words. Other bullying instances? Other curses? It’s okay, but I was hurt. We got into the same car, but later, I had to take tranquilizers and sleeping pills just so I could put myself to sleep, so I could do my schedules properly. It felt like things were just getting worse and worse, and because of that unnie, I even attempted to take my own life. It’s okay if you don’t acknowledge me as an idol or actress. I’m not good at it, and I lack a lot. But I was so happy doing it and worked really hard. It’s something I love and didn’t give me any stress. Honestly, I really didn’t want to quit AOA, but because of someone who hated me, I was bullied for 10 years. Honestly, in the end, I just wanted to flip out and curse back at her once.. In the end, I gave up on AOA. It was fun promoting with the other members. Not long ago, that unnie’s father passed away and my heart hurt, but it also felt weird, I know that pain. I went to the funeral and as soon as she saw me, she started crying and said she was sorry, and it was like my heart was collapsing in futility. It was empty. All the blame was gone and it was like everything was okay again, but I was so broken that I was scared. During my time away from promoting… Of course I thought I would learn something or treat my depression or panic disorder, but a lot of things happened during that time.. Honestly, I’m tired. Right netizens? Like people say on the internet, I don’t know who I am, I don’t know what I do, they don’t like seeing me, I’m loud so no one wants to listen to me, but I wasn’t born because I wanted to be born. I have a mouth and I have hands, but now I can’t control my own self, and I live for my mom. It’s fine if you don’t look upon me fondly, it’s fine if you don’t pay attention to me, but just leave me alone? I get it, everything is my fault.
Essentially she says she was going through a rough time because of her dad being diagnosed with terminal cancer and confessed that a bully in AOA had given her a hard time for a decade, saying that she even considered suicide. However, recently that alleged bully’s dad had also passed.
Ah but the reason why I talked about that AOA unnie was because when my dad was confirmed to have terminal pancreatic cancer, I thought my dad would be going, but I was afraid that unnie would scold me again. I was also doing individual acting activities as well as a comeback. I didn’t want to give the members harm, so I did the schedules and I had to memorize the scripts, and there were many parts in which I had to smile as well. I couldn’t be consumed by thoughts about my dad and I thought that I had to finish my work well, so I couldn’t even enter his ward. He was in the terminal stage of pancreatic cancer so seeing him all skin and bones, I couldn’t help but cry. My sister called me and said my dad was looking for me even though he couldn’t speak well already. But if I had cried while doing my schedules, what would I do if that (AOA) unnie said something about it? I was so young then, so I thought I had to be like that. I thought that that was the right thing. I didn’t want to be scolded. I could’ve seen my dad more but I couldn’t do so and had to send him off just only seeing him close his eyes and hearing the beep. In the sketchbook next to him, he had written with difficulty, “Where is my daughter?” In crooked handwriting. He showed it to the nurse, but I was working at that point of time, so I couldn’t go. “But I heard you had a special ward set up and that you cancelled all your personal schedule. I hope that’s not true. You should be professional too. Don’t cry, okay?” You said I would break the mood, and asked why you had to cautious just because of me too, so I hope you will be able to win over this too. I still can’t erase that memory. The words unnie said, as well as her actions. Even if it’s honestly a blur, I still remember everything – it remains. Every time that happens, I take medicine and try to bear it but I think the thing with my dad will keep going forever. To unnie, it’s just words that you spat out, but for me, it was something that hurt me. But at the end, when we had 5 minutes to us, I told unnie that it was something that hurt me, back then. That’s when unnie glared at me and said that, “I don’t think I’m such a terrible bitch who would say that sort of words”. So another member unnie said that you did actually say those words, after gathering up a huge amount of courage. I was at a loss so I didn’t reply but on the inside I was thinking, “Are you even human?” And we said goodbye. To be honest, I’m not smart, so my memory is the worst, but there’s so many things I remember from you endlessly. But I’ll only speak on that one thing, just in case. I wrote a termination agreement with the company – what if they ask me to pay a penalty? I didn’t tell on every single thing – so it should be fine right? Thanks to unnie, I’ve been eating multiple tablets of medicine a day and my left wrist is so cut up that the nerves aren’t working and it stings and hurts. But seeing my mom, I have to live on, I have to earn money. So I am going for scar treatments diligently and although I still have nightmares, the funny thing was, before I left the group, we all went for drinks without unnie every day and had conversations. But even so, we all still don’t know, this. What the reason why you don’t like me?
FNC Entertainment has yet to respond, and while no names were mentioned, many assumed she was referring to Jimin, whose dad passed away recently. And she certainly felt targeted by the posts, as she seemed to reply to the speculation in an Instagram Story.
Obviously having gone through T-ara, I’m hesitant to rush to any judgment, and I don’t think it’s even necessary as the story is still ongoing. That said, it should be looked into further and hopefully competently, because the behavior Mina describes and the situation she’s in sounds horrifying, and it’s hard not to believe it since it’s coming from her directly rather than netizen speculation.
Regardless, it’s clear that no matter what is happening or happened with AOA, that Mina is in distress at the moment and I’m concerned by her mental state. She recently posted about self-harm moments ago as well, seemingly replying to Jimin.
2/N
— caren ✨ (@ayochanmi) July 3, 2020
“I don’t want anything to do about paying for the mental damage. I just feel so bad and painful that I am broken because of you. All I want is for you to come in front of me and say “I’m sorry”. That’s all I need.”
3/3
— caren ✨ (@ayochanmi) July 3, 2020
“Recognition, I think that’ll be enough as a sincere apology. The unnie who has bullied me is doing so well but it’s painful for me to even open my eyes everyday but I have feed my house so I need you to admit it and apologize to me, get rid of it, okay?”
Given that she’s now naming Jimin, this definitely looks bad for her and a clarification needs to made one way or another.
Again though, most importantly, I hope Mina’s company and/or her friends and family are watching out for her in this time.
Update
Mina recently made four further Instagram posts about her experience of being bullied by Jimin and the horrific consequences it led to.
You must be finding it difficult to just come and apologize to me. Every time we got a new manager, you’d say that I was scary and just pretending to be stupid. Why did you say I was scary and pretending to be stupid? You’d say I was acting stuck up just because I went to auditions and when I worked hard to diet so my face would look nicer, you’d say, “Mina, what’s wrong with your body? I hate seeing it. Gain some weight.” When we were trainees, you’d hit me and say it was because I was at the front. We’d have to say, “Did you have a good night’s rest?” “Yes, I’m sorry,” and “Thank you” in a formal tone to you. Everything had to go your way, you could bring anyone you wanted to the dorms. It was so noisy that I went to the practice room to sleep. You’d say things like, “Hey, hasn’t so-and-so changed these days?” and go around targeting different members. Oh right, remember when I didn’t greet you first at the hair and makeup shop and I got an earful, or don’t you? That’s only the light stuff. There are so many things that were so much worse over 10 years. But thanks to you, I have nothing to lose and I’m not afraid of anything? Because my source of fear was you, your existence caused me stress. You couldn’t have seen that from my previous posts till now, right? It just became a part of my life and now, I’ve forgotten it all and all I’m left with is mental illness. Along with some harsh words. Every time I wrote a will, I would include your name. I thought maybe when you read it one day, you’d feel guilty. I’d have stress-induced convulsions and collapse, I’d attempt to commit suicide and collapse, my mom would cry, and my sister is battling cancer, but they’d have to keep going to the emergency room because of me. I’ve never talked back to you, and have I ever done anything wrong from when we were trainees to when we debuted and promoted? If I did, tell me. Did you not like me because I wasn’t good at flattery? But I still did my best. Whether I was told off or not, I would smile and keep approaching you, putting aside my pride. I was amazed to hear that you were taking prescribed medication for your mental health and were having a hard time. You said everything you wanted to say and did almost everything you wanted to do, you were so selfish. I was so envious of you. Of course, everyone has struggles but at least you were able to freely express that? I always had to push it down. I’m not in the right state of mind right now. But the person who made me like this is you. The person who made my family suffer is you. I used to be strong mentally. When I was a trainee, I’d say it was because you’re the leader and told myself to pity you. But it’s still the same after all these years. I couldn’t tell anyone that I was suffering because of you. Things finally exploded when it came time to renew contracts and that’s when my family found out. Did my family ever say something to you? Even when their daughter was attempted to commit suicide because of someone, they never got angry. You were able to cry when you wanted to and you received so much comfort. I was worried you’d tell me off again so for 10 years.. How did I spend that time? By the end, I had almost 200 sleeping pills because of you. I collapsed and I have no memory of that. I wrote your name on an A4 piece of paper and told my mom that I was sorry, and that’s how I still live every day. I’m broken as much as I can be broken. Because of me, my mom is also suffering from depression, did you know? You are the one person who makes me not want to live, I’m serious, you’re the only reason. Even if you came and sincerely apologized to me, I’m already broken so I collapse, I suddenly start crying, I take out a knife, I write ‘Shin Ji Min’ down on a piece of paper. I’m so broken and I’m so full of anger that my heart aches and I feel like I’m going crazy. I’m sorry to my mom, dad, and sister. Can’t you at least tell me why you hate me? With everything you did to me, you can’t say that you didn’t hate me. I’m so upset. I feel upset whenever I open my eyes. I feel like I’m going crazy. It’s so difficult. When you were sitting in the front passenger seat and turn back to us, my heart would start racing because I thought you’d say something to me. I want an apology from you. What will that do? I don’t know. But I feel like I need to something because I’m so angry. There’s no reason for why you tormented me, is there? Shin Ji Min, huh? I wish you could feel what I feel for just one day, I wish I could go back in time and change one day with you. You’ve had a comfortable life. Say something. Let’s hear it. What did you hate about me that much? Huh? I really hate you too. If it wasn’t for you, what would I be like now? At least I probably wouldn’t be crying every day, having nightmares every day, and trying to attempt suicide, right? Because I did nothing to do, I honestly want to go around talking about you and telling people that I have a mental illness because of you. That’s why I’m like this now, sad, isn’t it? It’s finally boiling over after being pent up. I can’t hold it in anymore, I can’t hide it anymore.
It’s a lot to take in, but needless to say it’s disturbing.
Things only got worse though, as she talked in detail about her suicidal attempt and thoughts, and what her life is now like.
I heard you took medication and fell asleep, must be nice. I’m dunking my head in my sink and trying to not cry. I can eat more than ten sleeping pills and not fall asleep, amazing, isn’t it? I’ll stay up for days so I can sleep. Even if I slit my wrists and the floor of our house is covered in blood, I zone out. I blankly think about when I’m going to die, and some people have come running to save me, right? Why does there have to be so many people who are suffering because of me? Are you sleeping well? As soon as I heard that, I got angry again, teared up, and filled with rage. I’m strange, so strange. Try living a life where you have to dunk your head in the sink all the time. It sucks. You are such a bad person. You have to know that. I want to sleep too. I want to get a proper night’s sleep too. Why does everyone around me have to suffer because of you? Why did you make me such a bad person? I want to stop worrying people. But I’m so angry, I’m so upset, I feel like I’m going crazy. Stop sleeping and apologize. Wake up, let me stop feeling broken anymore. Wow, I’m so angry.
She continued on with her experiences, telling the company about the issues and having to take medication to live on.
My dream probably won’t come true, right? But if you’re a human being, you shouldn’t act like that. And FNC Entertainment, I told them everything at the end. I was half out of my mind, I couldn’t even open my eyes properly, and I stuttered. I hadn’t fully recovered from taking hundreds of sleeping pills but I told them it was because of Jimin and they wouldn’t listen to me. Who should I talk to? I shouldn’t get angry? I’m like this every day. I’ve been living like this every day and you just didn’t know because I didn’t talk about it. From when I was 21 years old [Korean age reckoning], I’ve been hiding my medicine bottles and secretly taking medication so I could hold on. I’ve lived like this. Shin Ji Min, because of you. Because of that person who is sleeping so well right now.
This one will be overlooked but is just as relevant, in my opinion. Mina says she went to the company and explained everything to them, but it seems like they effectively didn’t care. So I hope people do hold them accountable for all this as well.
Her latest was something encouraging others who have suffered to fight back and continue on.
To all those who are suffering because of someone.. Fight. Don’t hold it in. Or grab someone and tell them. Sleeping pills? Don’t take them. It will never end. Don’t live like me. Don’t hold it in. Do everything you want to do and express yourself. Please live like that.
I dunno, man. Not a whole lot to say, just brutal to read these experiences and I hope she embodies her own advice in the last post and is able to continue fighting on.
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If you’re having suicidal thoughts, please reach out to one of the numbers on this list and talk to somebody.
